Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
