Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
