erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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