I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
