She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
