She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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