This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
