I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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