I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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