I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
