areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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