Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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