New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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