honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
