I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
