dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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