I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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