Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
