No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
