I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
