ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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