saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
