i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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