This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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