Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
