Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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