I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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