I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
