Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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