I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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