I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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