I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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