I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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