Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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