Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
