Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
