I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
