So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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