Will you blow on my dice?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Shame - the story of my life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
