You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
