Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
