I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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