RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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