how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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