..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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