I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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