She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
