She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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