I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
