its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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