Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
