Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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