I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
