The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
