Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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