Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
