you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
