Me too!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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