That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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